Today, we'll be talking about the "scaredy-cats" of the dating game - men who are too scared to commit. If you've been in the dating game long enough, you know there's a whole LOT of them out there!
He asks you out to dates, takes you out to vacations, and even makes sweet love to you as often as you can handle, but he stops short of committing to you.
And this pattern can go on for years and years...
He treats you like a girlfriend or a wife... but never CALLS you his girlfriend or wife. And deep inside, you're screaming: "What are we, really? Where is this relationship headed? Should I just quit and move on?"
The good news is this: You CAN make him change his mind. He'll call you his exclusive girlfriend. He'll propose to you. He'll start building a lifelong relationship with you. Sounds delusional? Not for three women who did it themselves:
What Should You Do Right?
What should you do to make that scaredy cat man up and start committing?
Simple – Give the poor guy a glimpse of what life would be like WITHOUT them around. When they feel they are at risk of losing their FANTASTIC girlfriends forever, they man up and start taking responsibility.
I'm sure some of you are wondering: "But Deola, isn't that risky? What if I give him an ultimatum or deadline, and he says: 'Okay, see ya'?"
Sure, giving him an ultimatum can make him say goodbye. It's a 50-50 chance of success.
But it's still better than rushing the
relationship, or freaking out, or deciding to NOT do anything. Right?If he's taking you for granted, and if you'd like him to "man up" and start leading the relationship like he's supposed to, then I suggest you:
1.) Be a FANTASTIC girlfriend. Put simply, if he won't miss you if you went away for good, then you're not for him.
2.) Know him deeply. What does he value? Will your absence force him to think about you more seriously? How can you spend some time away from him, and put the necessary distance he needs to "man up?"
3.) Give yourself a deadline, and stick to it. Let him know, gently and lovingly, that you're looking forward to making things official with him.
4.) Through it all, remember that it's HIS job to pursue you, not yours.
If he doesn't chase you, and the relationship fails as a result - it was not meant to be, and you're once again free to meet and date new men. And hopefully, the next one will be better! But if he DOES chase you, then congratulations - you've successfully "unlocked" your relationship, and now it's moving forward again. Keep it up, and he'll make things official in no time!
A non-committing guy is just one of the possible "roadblocks" you'll encounter on your road to true love and happiness. There are other problems to prepare yourself for, such as:
- Men who go hot-and-cold
- Players who only want sex
- Cheaters who play with your feelings
- Men who physically and psychologically abuse
- Other women competing for his attention
- His past issues and commitments
- Men who can't handle problems well
- Men who have addictions
One of the hardest things to do is to find out WHY he's so scared of commitment - he won't tell you, that's for sure! I don't recommend you only react to these problems when they happen - that's just asking for heartache and misery! Instead, I strongly recommend you learn as much as these problems as you can - how they happen, WHY they happen, how to avoid them, and how to fix them when they happen to you.
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